Peace in the Family

In order to make peace in the world it's a good idea to start a
little closer in our own families. The family is the core upon
which the world is built and the home is the sanctuary. The
family is the place where we are taught to share, love, and grow
into the person we are meant to be. It is a place to return for
comfort, validation, and support. The family is also a place
where we are challenged and confronted with intense, often
conflicted emotional relationships.

Family members, the ones to whom we turn to fill our deepest
needs and desires, are also the ones to whom we are most
vulnerable. In order for us to have good relationships in the
world at large, it is crucial to learn how to be at peace with
our family. The home cannot be a sanctuary unless there is peace
in the family that lives there. This is probably the most
difficult challenge of all.

Difficult family relationships are not a matter of chance.
Family members are given to one another as teachers, or to
correct past errors. They are a means of developing new parts of
ourselves. Whether or not you like a family member, the bond
goes deep. In Overlooking the difficulties and needs of your
brothers or sisters is a mistake. They are your teachers. The
way you treat your brothers and sisters is a training ground for
your relationship with the whole world.

In order to make peace in the family, there are various
principles and actions to take and to refrain from, which create
healing easily.

Peace in the Family

A foundational principle is, “You are your brother’s keeper.
Take good care of him.” No matter what differences exist, no
matter what disappointment, hurt, or rivalry, overcome them and
put your brother’s and sister’s needs above your own. Deeds of
kindness are needed, no matter how you feel. Share, listen, go
out of your way, put your selfishness aside. When you learn to
make peace with your family, then all other relationships can
flourish and grow.

We not only have our families of origin, but alternative
families at work, in the community, in sports teams and
spiritual families as well. These families come from all walks
of life, all races, religions, conditions, and educational
backgrounds. At times the level of intimacy between our
alternative families may be deeper than between members of our
family of origin. Some groups or alternative families are
dedicated to offering unconditional acceptance, encouragement,
and sanctuary to one another. As you interact, you forge a
profound, timeless bond and can develop a sense of oneness.
Wherever you go, you are always together.

Of course, as in the alternative family, problems arise as well.
These problems are fuel for growth. The Buddha gave a great
teaching for dealing with problems in the family, and world at
large: “Do not look at the faults of others. Look at your own
deeds, done and undone.”

To create peace in any family, first you must heal the war
within. When you wish to create true and lasting peace, take
your attention away from the situation that is causing distress.
Do not focus on fixing it, changing others or casting blame.
Instead, take total responsibility for your part in what is
happening and look within. The only one you can change is
yourself. What have you done or left undone? Correcting yourself
is the best way to alter a difficult situation.

Peace in the Family

The modern-day teacher Thich Nat Hahn describes this
beautifully: “Although we cannot cover the entire world with
peace, we can cover our own feet and, one step at a time, walk
along, bringing peace with us.”

If we try to fix a troubled world while we ourselves are filled
with anger and confusion, we are of little value. Our ultimate
contribution is who we are. We do not cover the truth of who we
are with good intentions or fight for causes. First we face
ourselves. When we are ready, we can bring true ease of heart
wherever we go.

About the Author: Learn new ways of making peace in award
winning book, Jewish Dharma (A Guide to the Practice of Judaism
and Zen), http://www.jewishdharma.com. Written by Dr Shoshanna,
top psychologist, workshop leader who is dedicated to life
transformation and creating authentic peace of mind. Contact her
at: topspeaker@